Why are sports teams are so hateful?

Posted by on Apr 30, 2013 in Entertainment | 0 comments

Well, it’s apparently time to resurrect the idea that the Washington Redskins team name because it is racist and derogatory. This argument comes up every now and then, and it is defeated every single time. Given the myriad problems our nation is facing, you would think that our politicians could focus on more pressing matters? Nah. That’s like asking local police to focus on capturing criminals instead of pulling citizens over for petty citations that serve the sole purpose of generating revenue for the city.

So, in an effort to help the Washington D.C. council member with this project, I offer the following list of team names that should also be changed, just to keep things fair.

  • Detroit Pistons: How can anyone name their team after a key component of evil carbon-burning machines?
  • Golden State Warriors: Promoting violence, mocking native Americans.
  • Houston Rockets: NASA is dead, and rockets kill people.
  • Miami Heat: Don’t promote global warming!!! Al Roker might blame them for Superstorm Sandy.
  • Philadelphia 76ers: Why promote terrorist revolutionaries?
  • Sacramento Kings: Promotes the 1%. The fix? Change the name to Obamas.
  • Kansas City Chiefs: Obviously hateful, chief.
  • Cleveland Browns: That’s just racist. You might as well call them the Cleveland You People.
  • Oakland Raiders: More violence.
  • Minnesota Vikings: They pillaged and burned. Bad role model.
  • Tampa Bay Buccaneers: More stealing and violence.
  • San Francisco 49ers: Promoting gold-digging evil rich people.
  • Buffalo Sabres: Violent weapon. How many clips does a sabre hold?
  • Carolina Hurricanes: Hateful racist storms caused by man-made global warming.
  • Nashville Predators: Duh.
  • Edmonton Oilers: Bush. Cheney. Halliburton. War. Big Oil. So hateful.
  • Atlanta Braves: Mocking native Americans again.
  • Arizona Diamondbacks: Sounds too close to wetback.
  • San Diego Padres: Separation of church and state.
  • Chicago White Sox: Why’s it gotta be about race?
  • Cleveland Indians: Let’s face it. Even mentioning the term Indian is hateful.
  • Los Angeles Angels: Obviously promoting Heaven. Separation of church and state again. Rename them the LA GLBT’s and you will be just fine.

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